Today as I started my morning lazy, still wrapped in my duvet, admiring the views straight ahead through the window, I reflect on the past year and my desires for the new one…
While the new one still is a painting yet to be painted; a path yet to be walked on, there is a lot to explore, a lot of more people to meet, a lot of places to go and some more important lessons to be learnt but what’s most important in this moment, is I feel accomplished and ready. Ready to leave the world if I must, anytime soon, in any unforeseen situation. No, it’s not because I am upset or dissatisfied with anything in anyway. On the contrary I feel content like never before, I feel happy from within like I have never known.
Who know me well, would also know that I don’t believe in leaving things unfinished, whether it’s a task I have been assigned or a responsibility given. If unknowingly I ever upset someone, I make sure I repeatedly go and apologize till I believe there is need for it no more and If ever accidentally broken something I make various attempts to repair or replace (if at all replaceable). Then why at the age of 36 I feel, I have completed everything I needed to? That’s because, this was the year that put me in contact with my real self and while I am still in the process of discovering myself, I feel very content with this accomplishment. I now really know what my level of acceptance and expectations are. I now have discovered what my level of strengths are and how I will deal with things that was meant to set me back and what my reactions to those situations will be. The past year I have lived has been of real extremes. I had some real “dream come trues” for which I had been waiting from the time I remember and some real low moments that I never thought I had the ability to deal with and then there were also moments to lead a “normal” life where there were usual ups and downs and day to day challenges.
Well, it’s not that this pattern is only the gift of this year, there must have been so many more years in the past that went by following similar pattern, so what’s so special about 2019! As 2019 progressed miraculously I stopped living in autopilot, I became more aware and present in situations. It didn’t happen overnight but I kept making conscious progress. I genuinely learnt from each of the moment that passed by. If I yelled at something I noticed, if I laughed at something I noticed, if I cried over something I noticed, how I made others feel I noticed, how someone else made me feel I noticed. When I acknowledged I noticed, when I failed to acknowledge I noticed. When things were in my control or not I noticed, when someone valued my action I noticed and when someone didn’t I noticed that too. I took time to notice every small or big changes taking place around and in me, changes with nature and the world of technology we live in also made it to the list. So what did I achieve out of all these constant notifications pinging in my head 😊
What I realised, learnt and lived that nothing at all, not your family, friends, colleagues, services or it’s providers, their behaviours, any situation, weather conditions, you name it, nothing ever will be according to the way you want. You may spend years and years waiting for people to treat you the way you want. You may do 10 best things for someone and 1 thing that doesn’t tick the box for them will negate everything you ever did, and you will have no control over what and how other’s think or feel. Amidst all of these I slowly learnt to have the unshakable belief in myself. I mastered the art of remaining happy, calm, content and satisfied while life kept happening; and to me, it is the biggest accomplishment in itself. How? By taking control of my very own self. All through out my past 35 years of existence, I kept trying to change everything else, expecting from everyone, blaming it on others for slightest variation even in my mood, not ready to accept things that was not according to me. I never for once until recently realised that the real change/ correction begins from within, if only I had managed to be the kind of person I wanted to be all these years. Now I am the person I always wanted to be and hence feel ever so content and in control of everything. This helped me realise all my potential, strengths and abilities. I am happier than I ever was. I now also realise that all my fears were only the unknowns that I never was ready to accept. I have gained the courage to embrace the unknowns, no matter how good or bad it may be. Adapting to this stability within helps me to take care of others in a swift and effortless way. I accept everyone just the way they are, understand, value and respect the fact that everyone has their own perspective which has formed based on their own understanding, beliefs and experiences in life just like I formed mine, and this makes things so much easier at every step.
Today I look back and treasure this journey as a real pleasure and feel the gratitude towards each situation and people who shook me to lead on to this path of serenity. I am thankful for everyone who some way or the other were part of my journey.
I met almost everyone I desired to in this year and the one’s I couldn’t, I aim to see them ASAP in 2020. I read some wonderful books that I call Masterpieces, have been constantly partying and celebrating with family and friends to make most of the festive spirit. Consciously ate and drank to my heart’s content. Since the enlightenment in this year I also managed to not get upset on little things with my Daughter and Husband or anyone for that matter 😊. In this year my brother got married to his wonderful wife and I am so proud of both of them. In this year I had some amazing time with my big family (both sides), missed seeing a few family members but definitely aim to see them soon. In this year I could see everyone for just the way they are, by keeping my mask of ego aside. Amidst all of these we also managed to find our dream home and now the one of the few things left to do in the new year is to replace the plastic chairs that I am getting very comfortable with and my husband not so much, with some tasteful furniture and yes! To finish my book that I started late this year on ‘what my daughter taught me on parenting’.
This was the year that came with a gentle tap on my shoulder, helping me discover who I was and what I could be. I only had to open my arms and let the light in, pause, think and start living. Give myself permission to fall and pull myself back up again. I managed to hold my loved one’s closer and let go the one’s that weren’t meant to be mine.
In the New Year, let’s not forget to thank our past years because they enabled us to reach where we are today! Without walking the path of the past and present, we cannot arrive at the future, so let’s cherish everything we have or had forever.
Wishing you and your loved one’s all the Health and Happiness to make everything you desire a great success! It’s never too late to become who you want to be. I hope 2020 leads you to the life that you are proud of.
Love and Light always 💖✨
– Jyoti Singh