Grief! A roller coaster of emotion that is so hard to grasp. An undeniable part of our lives and we all manage it differently.
Grieving for a loved one is a long-term process and no-one understands except those going through it. It’s not the pity one needs, nor do they deserve being ignored only because people most of the times don’t know what exactly to say, coz they fear saying the wrong things in the moment.
I think it’s ok to admit “I don’t have words” or “I don’t know how to support you, please guide me” rather than saying “I know how you feel,” when you truly don’t. Every situation, bond, relationship, level of dependency is different, yet oftentimes we try and image those situations and feelings associated to offer our words which really doesn’t help in these kind of situations and proves to be inappropriate unless we truly have been into their shoes…
So often we feel the need to fix everything and want them to be ‘ok’ because WE are uncomfortable with the intensity of the emotions. It’s okay to sit with the discomfort of not being able to solve their grief. By simply being there for them, listening, and showing them the required support silently, sometimes is all the help that’s needed in the moment.
Acknowledging the fact that its ok to have those mixed feelings of pain, laughter and hugs. But mostly understanding that they once had someone they dearly loved, and that they no longer exist, except in their hearts, minds, and in their trivialities of everyday. It is like a big void in the ground (soil) which they prefer to carry within rather than filling it with desert sand! It is missing everything big and small about their existence, from their smell to voice to demeanour to essence to touch and everything in between.
So to be told to move on, is actually what feels disrespectful, irrelevant and unreal to those feelings and emotions, their memory and everything they stood for, including the love and care they once shared. Let those of who grieve have their feelings as it’s not a switch with an on/ off button. It just becomes part of one’s life and comes in waves. There is also no timetable for grief and everyone walks on the path in their own way.
Our experiences with people we care about make us, shape us and takes us on the path that determines our life’s outcomes. While there still remains a huge unfulfilled void, giving a second chance to life and relationships, helps us move forward when it’s entirely impossible to move on.
Grieving is not fatal, but it feels like it could be. And if we can’t prevent it in one another, then what else can we do?
I’d say let us celebrate love, grief in all its glory. Let us NOT force anyone to move on from their loved ones memories, but cherish the life and experiences they spent together with them so they are able to move forward in life.
Somethings can’t be fixed, and not all wounds are meant to heal? We just need to stick together to remind each other that grief is this multitasking emotion and is a survival mechanism – which produces sudden bouts of happiness or relief in mourning. It can all become sad and will be sad, and happy. We need to remember that a grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again and will move forward, sometimes backwards too but never over or through it…
Loss is an inevitable reality and I just pray that we and our loved ones gain everything it needs to keep moving forwards if not onwards………………hugs💚